Lily's Revenge
by gonesiriuslyblack
Summary: Lily gets fed up with James always embarrassing her, so she decides to do something about it. Lily teams up with someone close to James to teach him a lesson involving uncontrollable twirling and singing a girly tune.


****Lily gets fed up with James always embarrassing her, so she decides to do something about it. Lily teams up with someone close to James to teach him a lesson involving uncontrollable twirling and singing a girly tune.****

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><p><em>October 17th, 1975<em>

_Today, I was quietly minding my own business during dinner in the Great Hall. Of course the peace wouldn't last! It was too good to be true! In the middle of dessert (which happened to be extremely delicious strawberry cupcakes), that imbecile just had to go and wreck a perfect day! This was the absolute last straw. I have had all I can take of that bloody prat James Potter and his embarrassing attempts at asking me out in front of everyone. Something must be done, and I think I know just who can help me…_

***Flashback: **A few hours before in the Great Hall*

"Alice! Oh my gosh! Look at these cupcakes! They look amazing," Lily told her best friend, Alice Prewett.

"I totally agree. The elves have really outdone themselves this time. I mean, just look at the perfectly cut strawberry slices layered under the icing! I think I must be in heaven."

"Heaven! Yes, that's just what these cupca-"

"Hey Evans!"

"I knew it was too good to be true," Lily sighed. "It could never be heaven if Potter's around."

"Ouch, Evans. That hurts."

"Oh, shove off Potter. You're ruining a perfectly amazing dessert," Lily replied as she leaned in to take a bite of the cupcake.

"Didn't realize you like strawberry cupcakes so much. I'll make sure to buy you some on our date to Hogsmeade this weekend!" James said loudly, attracting several curious looks from people around him.

"I am not going anywhere with you!" Lily jumped up in anger and surprise, dumping her delicious cupcake all in her lap. Her black robes were now stained pink in random places. "Potter, this is all your fault!" She exclaimed.

"My fault? Lily darling, you can hardly hold me accountable for your own inability to control your raging hormones around me," James smirked.

"What? This is it! You're really going to regret this, Potter," Lily said as she stalked away.

***End of Flashback***

Lily felt the chill of the cold night air against her skin. She really couldn't believe she'd agreed to come out to the edge of the Forbidden Forest at this time of night, but if she wanted his help, it had to be done. Really wishing he'd hurry up, she looked down and studied the different colors of the fallen leaves scattered along the ground.

A twig snapped a few feet away and Lily jerked her head up. "Sirius?" she called.

"Of course, who else would it be?" As soon as she heard his reply, she could see him strutting confidently out of the trees a few feet away, a wide smirk plastered onto his handsome face.

"Well, it could have been a werewolf or something," Lily joked back, trying to add humor to her odd situation.

"Ha. Werewolf. Yeah," Sirius forced a laugh nervously. _Does she know about Remus? _He cleared his throat. "So, Lilykins, just exactly what did you want to meet with me about? You have to be desperate if you're willing to come to the Forbidden Forest in the middle of the night, but I have to make something clear first. I know, being the handsome devil that I am, that you probably just wanted to meet up and snog. But really, Red, I can't do that. I'm sorry, but James has dibs, and no matter how gorgeous you are, I just can't betray my best mate," Sirius said, a knowing look in his eyes.

"Really Sirius, are you that thick? I just need your help with a little revenge prank I've been planning. Tonight was too much for me. James has to be taught a lesson."

"A revenge prank you say?" Sirius contemplated for a moment. "…Count me in!"

"Excellent," Lily replied, rubbing her hands together, eyes shining with excitement.

***The next morning in the Great Hall***

"Ugh, pancakes again? Really? A growing boy needs to get meat on his bones!" James declared as he sat down at the table with the other three Marauders.

"I couldn't agree more Prongsie. Here, have some of this bacon on my plate," Sirius replied.

"Where'd you get that, Padfoot?" Remus asked suspiciously, the other boys nodding.

"Guys, come on. I'm a Marauder! I nicked it from the kitchen, of course," Sirius answered slyly.

"If that didn't look so good, I'd be way more suspicious," James said as he reached for the bacon.

"See, Prongs is eating it. Come on, Moony, Wormtail. Have some bacon."

"If James is eating it, I'll eat it too!" Peter squeaked as he popped some of the bacon in his mouth as well.

"Moony?" Sirius asked.

Remus hesitated. Finally, he extended his arm and grabbed a piece of the meat on Sirius's plate. He took a small bite off the end of the strip and chewed cautiously. As soon as he swallowed, Sirius turned his head and looked down the table toward Lily and Alice, pausing to wink at Lily. Lily nodded back.

James stood up to protest, but as soon as he opened his mouth, he sang out in a loud, girly voice, "_I feel pretty, oh so pretty. I feel pretty, and witty, and gay. And I pity the girl who isn't me today. I feel charming, oh so charming. It's alarming how charming I feel. And so pretty that I can hardly believe I'm real._" He glanced at the laughing forms of Lily and Sirius. James's eyes grew wide with horror as he realized what had happened. "_See that pretty girl in the mirror there. Who can that attractive girl be?" _James's voice continued to grow louder, and pretty soon, everyone had stopped eating to watch James sing and spin around uncontrollably. "_Such a pretty face, such a pretty dress. Such a pretty smile, such a pretty me! I feel stunning and entrancing, feel like running and dancing for joy. For I'm loved by a pretty wonderful boy."_

People everywhere where laughing. Lily had tears in her eyes and Sirius was bent double guffawing. Peter opened his mouth to comment and suddenly burst into song, too. "_Have you met my good friend Maria, the craziest girl on the block? You'll know her the minute you see her, she's the one in an advanced state of shock. She thinks she's in love, she thinks she's in Spain. She isn't in love, she's merely insane. It must be the heat or some rare disease, or too much to eat, or maybe it's fleas. Keep away from her."_

Remus looked at James and Peter and then to the strip of bacon he was still holding, sudden comprehension dawning on his face. With pleading eyes he looked at Lily and Sirius. Lily shrugged, and Sirius only continued to laugh and shook his head. Suddenly Remus burst up from his seat and joined in singing with Peter while James continued to twirl uncontrollably by the teacher's table. Together they sang, "_Send for Chino. This is not the Maria we know. Modest and pure, polite and refined, well-bred and mature, and out of her mind! Miss America, Miss America, speech! Miss America, bravo, speech!" _The boys stopped singing and began to twirl about the Great Hall.

James started again, "_I feel pretty, oh so pretty. That a city should give me its key. A committee should be organized to honor me. I feel dizzy, I feel sunny, I feel fizzy and funny and fine. And so pretty, Miss America can just resign. See that pretty girl in the mirror there?"_

"_What mirror where?" _Peter sang.

"_Who can that attractive girl be?" _James continued.

"_Which, what, where, whom?" _Remus sang in reply.

James sang out, "_Such a pretty face, such a pretty dress, such a pretty smile, such a pretty me!"_

Together, all three boys finished, "_I feel stunning and entrancing, feel like running and dancing for joy. For I am loved by a pretty wonderful boy."_

"That was magnificent! Encore, encore!" Dumbledore called from his seat.

The boys' faces turned a violent shade of red, and they turned to an angry McGonagall advancing on them. "Disrupting breakfast is unacceptable. 20 points from Gryffindor each and you will be serving detention with me every night for the next two weeks," McGonagall told them sharply. She then walked briskly back to her seat.

Realizing that the show was over, the spectators went back about their business. Lily and Sirius quickly tried to compose themselves as James, Remus, and Peter returned to their seats.

As the boys sat down, Sirius, Lily, and Alice burst out into sniggers.

"That was bloody brilliant, you two!" Alice said as Lily and Sirius high-fived.

"We make a great team," Sirius barked out.

The three humiliated boys turned to glare and the pranksters. Remus, who realized he was still holding his piece of bacon, quickly threw it back onto Sirius's plate.

"That was cruel. Evans, I didn't know you could do something like that. And Padfoot…I can't believe you pranked without me," James pouted.

"What I can't believe," ranted Remus, "was that you found it necessary to include Peter and me in your revenge on James!"

"Well, you were sitting here. It was too good an opportunity to pass up," Sirius stated.

"All I have to say is, you guys sure can sing. How are you feeling this morning?" Lily asked playfully.

"According to the wonderful song your enchanted bacon made us sing, we all feel quite pretty this morning," James replied darkly.

"I hope you've learned you're lesson, then, Potter. Thanks for the very amusing morning," Lily said as she and Alice left the Great Hall.

James watched them until they disappeared from view. "She's so beautiful," he sighed.

Sirius laughed. "You can't be serious, Prongs. The girl just made a fool out of you in front of everyone here and you call her beautiful?"

"Of course I'm not Sirius. You're Sirius," James replied, trying to cover his embarrassment. "She'll still always be beautiful to me," he muttered.

Sirius rolled his eyes and sighed. He, James, and Remus stood up and left, leaving Peter sitting behind eating pancakes. If anyone had been around, they could have heard Peter quietly singing, "_I feel pretty, oh so pretty…"_

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><p><strong>I hope you liked it! The idea popped into my head after watching Anger Management. I thought it would be funny to see James singing "I Feel Pretty" from Westside Story. So, here's a little story featuring just that, and a little torture on unsuspecting Remus and Peter too.<strong>

***After being told that all of this seemed a little far fetched, I wanted to make it clear that I realize that. No, Sirius probably wouldn't help Lily take revenge on James, but this is my story so I decided that a prank sounded like fun to him. And yes, Lily did take the whole cupcake thing too personally. It wasn't James's fault, but I felt like making her overreact. Okay? Sorry I bent the rules a bit, but I'm the author of this story and as far as I'm concerned, it is my right. :)**


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